jakub | February 28, 2023

An unfiltered guide to Glastonbury Festival


For most, entering the gates to Glastonbury 2022 felt like returning home. For others, it felt like taking a leap into the unknown. It was the first Glastonbury post pandemic. A lot had changed.

Sharing what I’ve learned, here’s my guide to Glastonbury 2023.

Areas to avoid if you’re on shrooms

Taking shrooms at Glastonbury is a lot. Avoid busy areas. Avoid your ex. Do not venture from the Healing Fields. Do not join the crowds of thousands heading towards to the Pyramid Stage; this will lead to an uncontrollable outburst during Elbow’s sweet-afternoon rendition of ‘One Day Like This’.

Where is the mythical rabbit hole?

If you’ve heard stories about the infamous Rabbit Hole, then you’ll be underwhelmed when you find the Rabbit Hole bar. This bar is a ruse. To find the real Rabbit Hole, look for the Alice In Wonderland clues. They only open it at night. Once you find it, there’s no guarantee you’ll get inside. There’s a riddle, duh. I was once lucky enough to get the FULL rabbit hole experience. This involved a journey through a tunnel and a Mad Hatters Tea party on acid. Core memory unlocked.

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Rabbit Hole

The unspoken rules of the Stone Circle

Hidden away within Glastonbury’s Kings Meadow is the famous Stone Circle, described as the festival’s sacred space. It is not a place for sacrilege! Festival goers are known to congregate here at sunrise. As we know, what goes up, must come down. The Stone Circle is a place to lift each other’s spirits and keep them high.

Find the Underground Piano Bar

In honour of Elton John headlining Glastonbury 2023 on the Pyramid Stage, a visit to the festival’s underground piano bar feels necessary. I don’t honestly know where this is, come and find it with me.

Pit stop at The Giant Rave Tree

The pilgrimage from The Pyramid Stage to the Far East Corner is intense. Do yourself a favour and take a pit-stop at the Giant Rave Tree at the half-way point. It’s a good meeting place and breaks up the long walk before getting stuck in the one-way system.

Can anyone get into NYC Downlow?

Part of Glastonbury’s iconic Block9, NYC Downlow is a queer club where everyone is welcome. A moustache will allow you to skip the queue, if you’re lucky to get your hands on one. The entry system also favours fetish clothing.

“VIP”

One of the greatest things about Glastonbury is that there is no special “VIP” area. The best area to be at Glastonbury is in and amongst it, surrounded by the people you choose to be with. Hospitality tickets come with hospitality camping and access to the hospitality area. You’re not missing out. Hospitality is pretty much an interchange between stages, with an expensive bar, fancy food vendors and posh loos. The shortcut is useful for getting to where you need to be, if you are in-fact a very important person.

Running Up That Hill

Who are you making a deal with? Choose wisely. The famous G L A S T O N B U R Y sign that sits at the top of Pennard Hill is obligatory. From the top, you’ll get the best view of the entire site. The busiest times are Wednesday’s fireworks and Thursday’s golden hour. Glastonbury’s hidden gem, Crow’s Nest, also sits on the hill. Say less. Some things are best kept a secret.



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